Short-time freelancing out in the burbs! Work! Driving! Sentence fragments!
Things I learned during rush hour:
1. The love between you and the car in front of you during your arduous trip is a bond that can never be broken. Except by that damn Ford Taurus that cuts in between you. WE HAD A BOND, TAURUS. AND YOU RIPPED IT APART.
2. When your car reaches 10 MPH, do NOT gain hope. If you gain hope, Satan wins.
3. Remember when you thought your lane was the slowest lane? Remember how you switched lanes so you'd go faster? *SLAP!* Remember that pain. Remember THAT.
4. Yelling doesn't help. Stern, sarcastic lecturing does. Say it with me: "Oh, NOW you're getting over? NOW you are? REALLY?"
5. When no one is in your lane any longer, it isn't luck. It's because the lane ends in two seconds, but you were too busy reading the side of that truck to notice.
6. Would you like to hear about fun for the whole family at Great Wolf Lodge? No? How about Lady Gaga? I'm sorry, those are your only two options.
7. Your iPhone is a great tool for finding where you are on the map...two blocks after you should have turned. Slash, never.
8. The El is the most wonderful invention of all the inventions. And next time I ride it, I will kiss it. Even the grimy, gum-stained, homeless-smelling, pee-soaked part. Mmmm....public transportaaaaaaation.