First, I'll start with one simple word: “pieces.” Let’s use that word in a sentence. Please, say this sentence out loud: “The pieces are coming together.” Or this one: “My grammar is falling to pieces.”
Now let’s look at this lovely lady: Reese Witherspoon.
Isn’t she adorable and wholesome? Absolutely. Now, that dress she’s wearing. Do you think it is hers? Yes, it most likely belongs to Reese Witherspoon. In other words, it is Reese’s dress. It is Reese’s.
One final picture for you. What are these?
IF YOU JUST SAID "REESEES PEESEES" I WILL FIND YOU SO HELP ME GOD.
Next up is this one:
Emily's Friend: "Emily, did you just swallow your gum?"
Emily: "Yes. Yes I did."
Emily's Friend: "WHAT?! Are you CRAZY?! I'M NORMALLY A SMART PERSON BUT I IRRATIONALLY BELIEVE THAT GUM WILL STAY IN YOUR STOMACH FOR SEVEN YEARS!!!!"
BAM. In your face.
And my final pet peeve for today has no illustration. It has to do with people who have never taken out the garbage in the food service industry. Here is why: I have. I had to haul that garbage from the very front of the sandwich shop all the way through the kitchen and to the dumpster. And you know what the BEST part of it was? It was the liquid in the bottom that inevitably leaked out, not only leaving a stream of waste through the store, but also all over my pants. So, like former waiters who cringe at the idea of leaving a measly 15% tip, I want to fly through the air to strangle anyone who throws out a full cup of liquid. Quit being an asshole and drink your damn Mello Yello.
1 comment:
1) I just love you (lova).
2) You're hilarious.
3) I can't STAND when people freakin' say: "Reesees peesess" Really? Is that how you were raised? Is that the best you can do? I just don't get it.
4) I still believe that gum just stays in there, even though I know better.
5) That was really gross - about the liquid leaking out, but I've, much to my chigrin, experienced that one myself. You and your wet pants are not alone in that one.
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