I have all kinds of work to be doing right now, but instead I am blogging. That is how dedicated I am to all of you. All...ten or so of you.
So since I have so much to do, I'm going to leave you with a funny story from my phone conversation with Laura.
First, she informs me that her Valentine's Day was "interesting." And I'm thinking, oh, no. Someone called. Someone showed up at her door. Someone sent her a Valentine and it's her morbidly obese, mouth-breathing boss (who I just made up.)
She takes a breath and tells me, "...I was pooped on."
Apparently she was at an "aquarium" in Dallas (and by "aquarium," obviously this means an enclosed building for all animals, including a jaguar. In the North, we call that a zoo. Moving on.) While in some sort of open space area with animals, Laura was pooped on by a bird flying overhead. Bird poop for Laura is now a biannual occurrence.
Luckily, Laura is an old woman who keeps used tissues in her purse, and managed to get the poop off. The best part of this story, to me, is just how Liberal Laura is. Because to a Republican (or anyone else, probably,) I believe the proper response is, "I am going to kill that damn bird."
Laura says to me, "I'm going to have to find what organization supports that bird and then NOT DONATE TO IT."
So this prompts me to imagine this poor, diminutive person knocking on her door, sniveling, "Hello Miss, I'm from the Department of Zoological Bird Conservation. I was wondering if you'd like to donate a few dollars to support the white albino cookatoo bird?" and Laura just yells, "Oh HELL NAW! F--K THAT BIRD!" and slams the door in the poor person's face.
I expressed this image to Laura, and she of course found it more funny that I used the phrase "white albino" and also perhaps the fact that the "cookatoo" is most certainly not a real bird.
Anyway, it was conversation for the ages, and I just had to share it with you.