Monday, February 1, 2010

Friend Week: The Lovely Laura

This weekend I started working on tagging my posts, so that you guys can read every post that mentions whales at your leisure. Which obviously you want to do.

While doing this, I started putting in tags for the friends I've mentioned, and realized you've had no explanation of who these people are or why you should care. So I'm introducing Friend Week! First on the roster is best friend Laura.

(rough sketch)

Laura and I met Freshman year of college, due to one of many series of events that have led to us being the same person. Laura and I were both idiots when it came to choosing our dorms, and ended up in the furthest, ruddiest, lamest, hottest dorms at the University. We bonded over our mutual loud sarcasm in dealing with this hardship. We also bonded over singing while filling our cafeteria trays, an unexplained phenomenon.

Other things that Laura and I have in common:
- We began college with long-distance, long-term boyfriends who were our soulmates to the extreme.
- We ended college like two Flirty McFlirts who knew their way around Flirtville.
- When I introduced her to spaghetti & ranch, Laura took it to an entire level I never knew existed.
- We tend to make noises at the sight of animals. Cats get a high-pitched, "MEER!!" and dogs get a similar, "REER!" It is a force within us which cannot be contained.
- Youtube videos of kittens are our downfall.
- Throughout our histories, we tend to choose celebrity crushes on those who are usually labeled, "the funny one," or "the weird one."
- We both judge others based on how well they receive our jokes. No laughter: Lame. Appropriate laughter: Let's be besties. Too much laughter: What's wrong with you? I just asked you for copy paper.
- Our goal in life is to make an entire group of people laugh.
- We are the only two people in the world who "get" John Krasinski. It's science.

Okay, seriously, that list could go on forever. This will be easier:

Things that make Laura and I different:
- Laura is a pickier eater than I am, but likes sushi.
- Laura has class.
- Laura is an only child (though almost all of my BFFs through history are only children. This is probably because they demand attention and the one thing middle children excel at is letting others have the spotlight.)
- Laura can put on her professional hat. I can accidentally make fun of people interviewing me, resulting in not getting that job.
- Sometimes Laura gets more angry than I do. But then I trip up the stairs and it evens out.

I am very sad to announce that Laura now lives far away from me. But it does mean that we have some pretty great random texts. A sampling:

Emily: New plan: you and I practice a two part karaoke song. We go alone to a karaoke bar, blow them away and walk out without a word. "who the hell was THAT?!"

Laura: I just said y'all for the first time.
Emily: Gasp!! Baby's first y'all!

Laura: Okay, I'm awesome. Stanley Tucci does the AT&T commercials.
Emily: I tell strangers about my friend with the creepy ability to pick out voices from commercials.
Laura: And they say "Such a person cannot exist!" and you say "oh but she DOES"

Emily: I've made my decision: choosing one male actor from old times that I would want to be with. Dick Van Dyke
Laura: What???? No. ....Danny Kaye.

Laura: You know how Pikachu gave kids seizures and stuff? That's what Cameron Diaz does to me. I'm twitching.

Emily: Just passed a woman whose shirt said I hate haters, and in the middle it said "no hating" with a line through it. Hollerrrr

Laura: There is a woman sitting next to who I assume is her husband. And she is reading a book called: Building an affair-proof marriage."

Emily: Goal for the new year: to be one step closer to us being the Golden Girls.
Laura: Yessssssss! I'm Dorothy. You are Rose. Go.

Laura has great potential as a co- or guest-blogger. But I have two trepidations about this:
1. That this blog starts looking like the poor mans 2birds1blog. Which I am in love with, but would like to be different from.
2. That Laura will be infinitely funnier and wiser than me and you won't want me to post anymore.
I think I will have to take these chances and ask her to give you all a piece of her mind. Because, oh, could she.


Erin Renzas said...

If I don't get one of these...someone may be in trouble!!

Liketohike said...

Two things. 1: I think the reason you get along so well with only children is because you both want the spotlight. 2: Next week should probably be Siblings Week.

Carmen said...

Two more things: 1.I would like to be Golden Girl Sophia someday.
2.Cameron Diaz gives me seizures as well.

Laura said...

I love that you think I have class. You do remember when I said,"C--t," within the first five minutes of Carmen's bachelorette party, right? Well, I suppose I say things like that while drinking martinis...Classy it is. :)

Laura said...

And by the way, if you are reading these comments and didn't go to Carmen's bachelorette party, the word I said does not have an "L" in it...or an "I"...or any other letters other than N or T...Ok, now too much detail.

Anonymous said...

1) I'm a listy-person so this is how I'm gonna roll.
2) I LOVE LAURA! I'm so glad you shared your hilarious texts. Good times.
3) If you ever really do kareoke I must be there - it's a prereq.
4) I miss Laura and she should definitely move back!
5) I'm with Katie - next week should most definitely be Siblings Week unless you are SO incredibly popular you need 2 weeks to complete this friends thing.
6) I am slightly insulted by your "only child" comments. Boo Hiss to those.

Tiffany said...

Laura and I need to meet and exist together. She sounds too good to be true. Ask her if it's really Antonio Banderas who plays the bee in those Nasonex commercials.

Emily said...

Sorry, Tiff. But I think if you and Laura met, the bulk weight of sarcasm would cause the world to implode.