Monday, May 24, 2010

Reasons Why I Am Dying Today

Today is one of those days when I'm pretty sure I have a thousand horrible diseases. I find myself fairly convinced of my own imminent death on a regular basis. Today's prognosis:

1. Cramps. I am having cramps and I am not on my period.
What it definitely is: Polyps. Or cancer. Or appendicitis.
What it COULD be...I suppose: Gas.

2. Today I woke up and I was SO tired, even though I had 7 hours of sleep.
What it definitely is: Mono.
What it COULD be...I suppose: I'm unemployed and pathetically tired with anything under 9 full hours.

3. I almost fainted today.
What it definitely is: Heat stroke. Or regular stroke.
What it COULD be...I suppose: It's 90° and I was running. And I was overly concerned that I forgot to put sunscreen on my neck.

I'm just going to have to suck it up and move on with my (ever shortening) life. Specifically, I need to get myself off to the DMV because...yeah, no one cares. Got it. But maybe there'll be some hilarious hijinks while there that I can tell you all about! Won't that be fun? (Fun for you, I mean. Not me. See what I do for you?)

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