Dear Sir or Madam,
I regret to inform you that Emily is an irresponsible blog poster. She gets distracted by silly things like moving and vacations and shiny objects, and she stops telling you things because she thinks she has "annoying crap to do" and "internet to set up" and "something resembling a life." We here at Blog Posting, Inc. appreciate your business and will do what we can to keep you. Please consider staying in contact with us though email you don't expect lengthy responses to, as well as simple well-wishes. Blog Posting Inc. also accepts money orders. Did you know that with a donation of $19.99, you can feed an entire Emily for one day? It's true!
Again, we appreciate your love and correspondence. While we work on rewiring Emily, may we suggest you try this recipe for chocolate cake using fat-free mayonnaise? Because it may just blow your mind.
Automated Letter Writer
Blog Posting, Inc.