Blog Posts That Will Probably Never Happen.

I have been sitting in this coffee shop for hours trying to come up with a good blog to give you, and mostly I just have a complaint about the sandwich I had for lunch. I MEAN REALLY. Here was the conversation:

Emily: How's the chicken salad sandwich?
Cafe Guy: Meh, it's okay.
Emily: Oh, then I'll have--
Cafe Guy: But I don't like chicken salad.
Emily: Well in that case...maybe?
Cafe Guy: *blank stare*
Emily: Okay, well I don't like chicken salad with a lot of mayo. Does it have a lot of mayo?
Cafe Guy: It's really more of a Miracle Whip.
Emily: That doesn't...whatever. I'll take my chances. Give me the sandwich.
(Ten minutes later, Cafe Guy shows up at my table with a sandwich that is 99 parts Miracle Whip, 1 parts chicken. THANKS. THANK YOU. SWELL.)

So anyway. Suffice it to say, the sandwich did not get my creative juices going. So I went to my phone for my list of back up possible topics (aka things I thought of and half-assedly wrote down so as not to forget them). And none of those topics have sparked anything in me EITHER. Frankly some of them are just terrible ideas. And so for this post, I tell you a few of them:

- A letter to delicious unhealthy food as if it has killed my childhood pet (FU Penguin style)
- Why Friday nights are meant for staying in
- Why Future Husband John Krasinski is my future husband (entirely too obvious to require an entire post)
- Narrative of me waking up and being magically in the 8th grade again (this has potential hilarity...)
- A case for learning Geometry (oh, yes Emily. THRILLING conversation topic you've got there.)
- Discovery Zone (OH MAN! Remember?!?!?!)
- Awkward telephone goodbyes
- Why don't math teachers require you to show work anymore?! (Yeah I'm pretty sure that's the end of that blog post right there.)
- "Lady Gaga Kermit" I swear this is all I wrote down. I have no idea what I intended to write about, but I assume it has to do with this:


Welp! Best to end on that note, I should think. Seacrest out.