Friday, May 7, 2010

Acceptable Pet Name Categories

GOOD:
Human names that would be hilarious for a pet because no one has them in real life anymore.
-Gertrude
-Jeffery
-Walter

BAD:
Human names that people still have, making it awkward and making you wonder just how close the owner and the pet are.
-Katie
-Lauren
-Jason

BAD:
Descriptions of the pet's appearance that clearly took you four seconds to figure out.
-Smokey
-Socks
-Fluffy

GOOD:
Combo pet names that are even better when both pets are introduced.
-This guy here is Wayne. Oh, and over there is Garth.
-May I introduce Braxton and Toni?
-Here's Snap. Here's Crackle. Here's Pop.

BAD:
Pets named for your favorite ivy-covered baseball field
-Wrigley

GOOD:
Pets with multiple names at all times.
-Elizabeth Taylor
-The Artist Formerly Known As Prince
-Robert Downey, Jr. ("Something's wrong with Robert Downey Jr!"..."I'm sorry, I need to stop and get food for Robert Downey Jr." "Robert Downey Jr, look what you did to the couch!" "BAD Robert Downey Jr! Bad!")

GOOD:
Other
-Carpet.

Oh and now I need to tell you a story from high school. I was in a theater class and we were searching the piles of old scripts for monologues. We found one play called Mr. Whittington And His Cat. None of us could be bothered to really find out what the play was about, but we tried to imagine a play that used a cat. Ultimately, we decided that you couldn't use a real one; it would have to be stuffed. Like so:

So then we imagined a one-man show solely about the problems of a British man and his (stuffed) cat, Mr. Whittington. You know, "My, you sure are hungry, Mr. Whittington!" "Mr. Whittington, don't run in front of that bus!" "Mr. Whittington, would you mind terribly drawing the blinds?" etc etc etc. And it just tickles me. So...

GOOD:
-Mr. Whittington


Any more thoughts? I need a good pile of options for when I get a cat. Which I will.

6 comments:

Abbey said...

There is a stray in my boyfriend's backyard I call William H Macy. I love that crazy cat.

Also, my English bulldog I will be getting in my far fetched dreams will be named Jeffery.

Other bad names: Whiskers. No, just Whiskers.

Good names: Anything starting Mister. Mr. Boots. Mr. Crazy Nose.

Also, I have always wanted to name a cat Grandpa. "GRANDPA! Did you poop on the rug?"

Liketohike said...

I know someone whose dog is named Katie. Not cool.

James Earl Jones would be a good name.

If I get a greyhound, it will probably already have a name. Is it okay to pick a dog based on its name?

Hannah said...

Good:
-astronaut mike dexter
-lorelei
-samson
-Clive
-Edward James Olmos
-Jaws
-Oprah
-Cher
-Celine
-Marlin

Bad:
-nutmeg

my favorite? Cher. Use, abuse.

Sarah Lindahl said...

Hi! Just found your blog! Love it! I also love exclamation points! Anyway, my sister has a chihuahua named Pocket. Best name ever.

Elena said...

All of my cats' names are derived from a common theme. I used to have Teapot (shelter name was Stormy, but he was more of a tempest - and he grew up to be short & stout). Then we got Saucer, who was like a smaller version of Teapot. When Teapot died, we got Pekoe. And they've all been brown tabbies, so I think of them as a matched set. I figure I can keep this tea party theme going on forever - Anchovies On Toast, Scone, Doormouse, Mooncake, Kettle, etc . . . So my advice is to find a starter cat first, and develop a theme from there.

Sra said...

I just realized you're as bad as Monica and her 7 categories of towels. :P