Monday, August 2, 2010


Today is Monday. And it is very much a "My Monday" kind of day, but not really in a comically-funny way this time. Yes, there was an incident in which I accidentally spilled about a pint of hot water all over the editing floor today ("What, you have to STOP the water as WELL as start it? What kind of magician do you think I AM?!") But mostly all the things that have gone wrong have had to do with insurance and appointments and pharmacies and it is sadly not the funny kind of "oh EMILY."

SO! When one of those bad-day things turned out to be that in order to quit Bally's, I have to send them a letter in the mail, there was a bit of explosion on my part.

All I'm saying is, don't get a copywriter mad and then ask them to write you a letter. You will get this:

Dear Bally’s,

I want to quit the gym.

My name is Emily.
My member number is: (*my number is here*)
My enroll date is 5/31/2010

Unless the Postal system fails me miserably, this should arrive to you in plenty of time before my next payment date. I then expect to have an extra 30 days tacked on as stated in the contract I signed, which fully ends my membership at the end of September. That sucks, but I knew about it when I signed up.

Of course, I didn’t know that my gym would be an aquarium within two months of signing, but I guess that’s what I deserve for belonging to a gym that was created in the basement of a building next to a river.

Live and learn, I suppose. I’ll be switching over to XSport Fitness. They’re on the second floor, you know.

Wish that had worked out between us, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I would say, “it’s not you, it’s me” but it was definitely you.

By the way, you should tell your employees to quit turning off the fans and televisions over 15 minutes before you close. I know when you close; I don’t need to work out in still-aired silence as a reminder. I hated that, and it is a large reason why I’m not coming back.

Sincerely No Longer Yours,


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