I have found no greater joy than in this moment.
You can make a Muppet.
Or, well, you can have one made. But it's authentic Muppet material, by authentic Muppet-making hands. Supported by authentic Muppet frogs and pigs. I'm peeing. Or I might be. I'm not sure, because I think I've lost all feeling in my body due to overwhelming happiness.
So I heard about this a while ago through the podcast Stuff You Should Know (which is awesome, by the way. And free.) and I got very excited until I found out that you actually had to go to the FAO Schwartz in NYC in order to make one. And so this post was going to be me explaining how I need to go to New York again so that I can go make one. But then I went to the website and VOILA!
And, yes, the Muppets do cost $130. PENNIES. Mere pennies compared to the joy it would bring me. I mean come on. You spend that much on a fancy meal for two. And just look at this little puddin' face!!
Look into those eyes and tell me that that guy is not your new best friend.
Maybe I should tell you guys that I'm a bit of a Muppet fan. Oh, you already figured that out? Huh. Anyway, my Muppetlove started with a little wolf named Rosco, and a little cow named Lucy. Walk with me, won't you?
In elementary school Spanish, we were introduced to two puppets: Rosco and Lucy. Rosco and Lucy told us all about the colors of the rainbow and asked us how the weather was today. Hace mal tiempo, Rosco. Hace MAL tiempo. Now, the issue that I had was not really with these puppets. It was with the other students in my classroom. Apparently I was a puppet snob, even then. I just never understood how hard it was to say words and move your hand at the same time. This isn't like rubbing your stomach and patting your head. It is the SAME MOVEMENT. But I cannot tell you how many times I watched in bitter resentment as this transpired:
"Como te llamas?" *moves hand furiously*
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
And so I decided to become a Muppeteer and show them all. I went to the public library searching for books about how to get into Muppeteering. And--something that still boggles my mind today--they actually had some. Here was the problem: I was nine. All that I'd ever been told was that I could be whatever I wanted to be. Marine Biologist? Sure! Who cares that you hate fish, sharks and whales! Screen actress? Of course! You'll probably get over your fear of cameras someday! But this book about Muppeteering was for people who were not nine. It was for people who were serious. And the book was honest and said that it was a hard thing to get into, that most people don't, and that you'd have to move to New York in order to do it. Well screw that. I'm nine. My parents still pour my cereal for me. I am not moving.
And thus, my dreams of Muppeteering were squashed. But now they have become reborn! For, if I cannot hang out with Old School 70's Gonzo all day (my true life dream) at least I can create a Muppet and use it to annoy people by giving them Muppet responses to their serious questions.
"Emily, is the house on fire?" "I don't know, I have a banana in my ear!!" Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
So what I'm trying to say is, can I borrow $130 for a business investment?