Word-Of-Mouth

Everyone has their brands. Things they will fight to the death over. I had a professor in college who WOULD NOT SHUT UP about Viva paper towels. Christ, lady.

Do I care about paper towels? No. In fact, I don't care about most brands. You know why? Because I majored in Advertising. And I took class after class telling me that all products are essentially the same. The only difference is what you, the advertiser, has to say about it. I've made myself feel not-evil about this fact by blaming the products themselves. Look, is it MY fault that Crest and Colgate both exist and have each created roughly 4 million kinds of toothpaste? No. It's not my fault. It is their fault. It is just my job to help them sell all their ridiculously similar products.

But I have some brands. In fact, during one of these all-products-are-the-same lectures I actually raised my hand to defend a brand. It was an enormous lecture hall. 300 kids all wanting to go home and nurse their hangovers. And I raised my hand because sometimes I'm THAT GIRL. "Yeah, but not ALL products are exactly the same. I bought the Meijer-brand Wheat Thins once and they were CRAP."

And 300 kids turned toward me and threw things.

No, not really. But there was SERIOUS groaning. WHAT?! YEAH, I SAID IT. BRAND-NAME WHEAT THINS ARE IMPORTANT TO ME, DUDES.

So I agree and disagree with Marketing professionals on this one. Yeah, some products are the same. My Pharmacist/mother never buys a brand-name pill if she can help it. So many times I've uttered the phrase "Aleve? Which one is Aleve? Do you mean ibuprofen?" And then again, sometimes a sista HAS TO HAVE HER WHEAT. THINS.

So I've created a list of the products I stand behind. Not all of them, just a nice sampling. But after you see mine, I'd love to know: what brand names do you get behind?


Fiber Plus: Cinnamon Oat Crunch


Love cinnamon toast crunch but feel like a pre-diabetic child when you buy it? Love Cheerios but wish they had a little somethin' somethin'? THIS. Don't let the healthy-sounding name or terrible packaging fool you. This product is cinnamon deliciousness for adults. Less sugar, more fiber, all the special feelings in your belly.

Special K: Protein Plus


So I'm starting off here with two cereals, yes, but they are so clearly aMAHzing. This one is absolutely the best cereal for keeping you full. It's a little bran-y so drop a few raisins in there to kick it up a notch. And then don't expect to need anything until lunch.

Laughing Cow wedges


If you are a cream cheese lover as I am, this is where you need to aim your priorities. Such a great healthy alternative, and delicious with pretzels. Also, surprisingly, carrots.

L'Oreal Collagen Filler/Eye Illuminator


I have genetic dark circles under my eyes. This stuff is great because it brightens your eyes and makes wrinkles go away (when it's on, not permanently [wah wahh].) And I don't want to hear, "Oh, Emily. You're too young to worry about wrinkles." Because I will say this to you in my best Ross impression: "AM I?!"

Johnsonville chicken sausage


If you like spiced meats filled with cheese, please go and buy these immediately. They are DELICIOUS. And probably slightly healthier for you than something made of pork. Personally, I like them by themselves on a bun with some ketchup and/or mustard. Also, everyone be proud of me for not saying "that's what she said" a SINGLE time for this one.

Clean & Clear Advantage Spot Treatment


I've been using this stuff for a very long time. Is it fair that I now use a wrinkle cream AND zit cream? No. But it is a fact of life. I've learned to deal with it, SO SHOULD YOU. Because if there's ever a time when I don't need to use this stuff, I will probably be forcing my children to use it, and then they will force their children use it. Here's why it's awesome: it's salicylic acid, which doesn't dry out your skin, leave white marks, or bleach your clothes like benzol peroxide (coughPROACTIVcough) does. Also, it works better anyway.

Tupperware FridgeSmart Containers


These things are containers sent by the Lord Himself. Also Allah. Possibly Zeus. Maybe all the gods got together and were like, "You know, we've been kinda hard on them lately. Maybe we can give them a little something nice." And they sent these Tupperware containers. An oversell? Absolutely. But czech it out: They're made especially to keep fruits and vegetables longer, and I can personally vouch that they work wonders, especially for peppers. In a regular container, peppers last for maybe 3 days tops? In these containers, you can keep peppers perfectly fresh and crisp for at least a week, probably 2. Also, I had a lemon in one once. Found it in the back of the fridge so y'all KNOW that can't be good. Opened it up expecting it to look like Mel Gibson's mugshot, but it was perfectly good! Had it with a beer. (Sidenote, probably don't try this at home, kids. I might have died.)

So like I said before, lay it on me. What products do you stand behind? Share the love!

50 People I'm Envious Of

(Warning: this isn't a celebrity post. That would just be me writing "Zooey Deschanel" 50 times and calling it a day.)

I have a problem with jealousy. One of the 7 Deadly Sins. (Wait, is it? I don't know. Let me look it up.......Envy! Boom-shacka-lacka. In your face, ME.) Okay, so envy. That's the one that I have a serious problem with. Not so much jealousy because Joe is all miney mine and when girls hit on him it just makes me feel proud. And also a little makey-outey.

But! I DO have a problem with envy. When I read blogs and Twitter and Facebook posts I become very aware that I'm not doing the exact thing that other people are doing, and then IMMEDIATELY worry that I'm doing it all wrong. My apartment should be more DIY design-y, I should be eating at more highly-rated restaurants, I should cook delicious food that looks so professional I can't help but post pictures of it to Facebook, I should wear more scarves.

I don't think it's wrong to have aspirations. Or to want to have/do/eat cool things. But when it starts to make me feel like the person I am is failing, that's when it becomes an issue. So I started making a list. Because I am INSANELY visual, nothing I ever think about can move forward until it is on a list of some kind. Everything in this list is true--I am envious of all these things. But It's made me realize that there's always something to be envious of, and you literally can't have everything. You can only do the things you love and be the person you want to be. Aaaaand maybe add a few more things to a Bucket/Life List so you make sure you're striving to be your best.

50 People I’m Envious of:

1. People who go out all the time
2. People who stay in and snuggle
3. People who travel the world
4. People who go to the same place every year
5. People who cook
6. People who go out to eat
7. People who drive
8. People who bike
9. People who have dogs
10. People with great nails
11. People with tattoos
12. People with kids
13. People in couples
14. People who are happy just being with themselves
15. People who take naps
16. People who’ve been up since their morning jog
17. People who love their boring, high-paying job
18. People who scrape by doing something exciting
19. People who buy everything from Crate and Barrel
20. People who can make a table with their hands
21. People who craft
22. People who hire someone to craft for them
23. People who live in the woods
24. People who live in the mountains
25. People who live by water
26. People who live in the middle of a city
27. People who know everyone in their town
28. People with straight hair
29. People with curly hair
30. People with really thick eyelashes
31. People who watch black and white movies
32. People who see every movie that comes out
33. People who spend their day playing video games
34. People who accomplish tons of stuff every day
35. People who buy all the latest fashions
36. People with a funky wardrobe from Goodwill
37. People who happily eat vegan
38. People who happily eat cheeseburgers
39. People with an hourglass figure
40. People with a tomboy look
41. People who know their cocktails
42. People who know their beer
43. People that change careers all the time
44. People who are successful by 28
45. People who still play a musical instrument
46. People who can do their own makeup really well
47. People who don't need makeup to look beautiful
48. People eating a cupcake right this second
49. People with more friends than me
50. People who don't get envious

Anyone else? Who are you envious of?

Who I Think Will Win The Emmys

Well the Emmy noms have been announced and I know you're all wondering, "Yes, but what does EMILY think about all this?" Because, yeah. I should be your go-to for all things celebrity. I know SO VERY MUCH about them and the lives they lead. Oh, the things I know. My stars.

In all seriousness you might find my opinions about as necessary to your life as stories about where Freddie Prinze Jr. is now (Actually...wait a minute. Where IS that guy?! Bad analogy, now I find myself INCREDIBLY concerned about the whereabouts of FPJ.)

But it's my blog. And in the wise words of Cartman, I do what I want. So here we go!

BEST DRAMA SERIES: Boardwalk Empire, Friday Night Lights, Dexter, Game of Thrones, The Good Wife, Mad Men.

I don't watch any of these shows, but if B.E. is the show that's supposed to knock Mad Men off its high horse, so be it.

BEST COMEDY SERIES: Modern Family, 30 Rock, Glee, The Office, The Big Bang Theory, Parks and Recreation.

Except for the BBT (CBS shows and I...we just don't get along), I watch all of these shows with a blind fervor. And while I loves me some Office, anyone who actually watches Thursday TV should know that in 2011, Community, which wasn't even nominated, was head and shoulders above the Office and that is a scientific fact.

DRAMA ACTRESS: Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife; Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men; Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: SVU; Kathy Bates, Harry’s Law; Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights and Mireille Enos, The Killing.

Elisabeth Moss, you're not all that with your short bangs and your lipstick ads (okay, fine, I haven't watched Mad Men since Season 2 and I have no idea what's going on in that show even though I am in Advertising and should definitely watch it. GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT, WHAT ARE YOU, MY DENTIST? I'LL FLOSS WHEN I'M GOOD AND READY TO FLOSS. Is it so wrong to want Kathy Bates to win because you think she'd be the kind of straight-talking aunt who tells it like it is and isn't afraid to tell off your new boyfriend at Christmas when she finds out he has no plans after college? IS IT?) Oh my God, where am I?


COMEDY ACTRESS: Tina Fey, 30 Rock; Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie; Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation; Laura Linney, The Big C; Martha Plimpton, Raising Hope; Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly.

Oh but Melissa McCarthy! Sookie. I love you. I even love you when you are pooping in a sink, THAT is how much I love you. But Amy Poehler winning an Emmy is as close as I will ever get to winning an Emmy.

DRAMA ACTOR: Jon Hamm, Mad Men; Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire; Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights; Michael C. Hall, Dexter; Hugh Laurie, House; Timothy Olyphant, Justified.

Whatever you want, Jon Hamm. I'll just....it doesn't...whatever I can do to make you happy. You look like Superman.

COMEDY ACTOR: Steve Carell, The Office; Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock; Jim Parsons, Big Bang Theory; Matt LeBlanc, Episodes, Louis C.K., Louie; Johnny Galecki, Big Bang Theory.

Although I think it would be awesome if Louis C.K. won it, The Emmys has become as predictable as an SVU episode. So yes, I think Michael's last season will win him the Emmy. Also, aw! Joey! *Pats Matt LeBlanc on his now-silver head*


SUPPORTING DRAMA ACTOR: Andre Braugher, Men of a Certain Age; John Slattery, Mad Men; Alan Cumming, The Good Wife; Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones; Josh Charles, The Good Wife; Walton Goggins, Justified.

One time I had a dream about some actor but I couldn't even remember his name or what he was in, I just remembered he was the guy who kind of looked like Pee Wee Herman. Joe suggested "Alan Cumming" and I realized that was it. We went out to breakfast. Who was on the TV at the restaurant? Alan Cumming. That is all.

SUPPORTING COMEDY ACTOR: Ty Burrell, Modern Family; Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family; Ed O’Neill, Modern Family; Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family; Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men; Chris Colfer, Glee.

I don't know guys...I just have a feeling about this one. And can I get a HECK YES to the Modern Family love? *does the Baby Mama exercise ball "Oooh-OOOOOOH!"* Oh my God, I can't even talk about OTHER CATEGORIES without mentioning Amy Poehler.

SUPPORTING COMEDY ACTRESS: Julie Bowen, Modern Family; Sofia Vergara, Modern Family; Jane Lynch, Glee; Betty White, Hot in Cleveland; Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live; Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock.

Was that...was that a question?
But GOD I seriously want to awkwardly hold hands with ALL these women.

SUPPORTING DRAMA ACTRESS: Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife; Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire; Christine Baranski, The Good Wife; Michelle Forbes, The Killing; Margo Martindale, Justified; Christina Hendricks, Mad Men.

She deserves some recognition besides "YOWZA, HAVE YOU SEEN THE GAZONGAS ON THAT THING?!" But I also want her to become a spokeswoman against Victoria's Secret

MOVIE OR MINISERIES: Mildred Pierce, HBO; Downtown Abbey, PBS; The Kennedys, ReelzChannel; Cinema Verite, HBO; Too Big To Fail, HBO; Pillars of the Earth, Starz.

I don't know...whatever. I don't mess with Scientologists. I have seen their Hollywood compound.

REALITY COMPETITION: So You Think You Can Dance, Top Chef, The Amazing Race, American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, Project Runway.

My biggest reason for choosing this show is because I am currently very hungry. But it's also the only show of these that doesn't make me do the Liz Lemon eye roll.


REALITY HOST: Jeff Probst, Survivor; Cat Deeley, So You Think You Can Dance; Phil Keoghan, Amazing Race; Tom Bergeron, Dancing With the Stars; Ryan Seacrest, American Idol.

Tom Bergeron, you will NEVER be Bob Saget. NEVER. (wait for it) NEVER. That's all I wanted to say. Otherwise whatever. Because WHY is this an actual Emmy category? Who cares??

VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY SERIES: The Colbert Report, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live, Conan, Real Time with Bill Maher, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

Again, just a feeling. Don't have a good reason. I just gots me that tingly feeling about it.

Okay, that is all. Anyone want to fight me about it? What are your opinions? Who do you want to win? I want to know!

Lost Drinking Game: Season 1 (*SPOILER ALERT*)

A few of my friends get together and watch Lost every Sunday. It started as an attempt to hang out with some friends who'd just had a baby. Well, it's been about a year and now that baby is walking, shaving, rolling his eyes at us (as children do) and we are officially about to start the 5th season. And in honor of that season and its time-transforming properties, I thought I'd post this: a list I'd made while we watched the very 1st season. This is accidentally my 3rd go around watching Lost (the 2nd time was for Joe) so at this point I've started to notice things a bit more acutely. Please forgive my cynicism. When the Monster and the Others wear off, you are left mostly with agitation.

Try to catch up. This game is sure to floor you every episode, so take small sips.


DRINK...

When Locke or anyone else says "Don't tell me what I can't do!"



Once for each flashback.



Any nickname given by Sawyer.



Every time Kate butts in.



Whenever Kate does the opposite of what Jack tells her.



Whenever Kate just generally gets on your nerves.



Whenever you hate Shannon even more than you hate Kate.



"Dude."



When Claire says "Okay?!"



When someone immediately decides the culprit.



When it turns out it wasn't that person.




Every time Arzt is--Whoops, nevermind. Bye, Arzt.



Whenever someone is irrational.



Whenever the bottom of Locke's foot is way too clean.



When Ethan's baby face--AHHHHH! IT'S ETHAN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!



Any time Jack risks his life even though he is the only doctor and therefore the only real chance at survival on the island.



Every time the women on the show are horrible and the men do everything important.



Whenever you get annoyed by that episode's feature character.



When someone has "daddy issues."








Whenever you wonder how someone got the item they have while on an island.



Any time you remember that if you make it through the season, you will be rewarded with Henry Gale.

My Personal Flight of The Navigator Fantasy

When I was young, I saw this movie called Flight of The Navigator. I remember exactly three things from it:

1. A boy got lost in the woods and went on some kind of space adventure



2. Sara Jessica Parker mentioned New Coke



3. The CUTEST ALIEN EVER was in this movie.




After I saw Flight of the Navigator, I was actually PHYSICALLY angry that this creature did not exist in real life and I could not have one for my own. I mean, he had no back legs, he clung to your fingers, and he made adorable gurgling noises.

And then. I came upon this.



And I have all new hope, like I have never had before. Bless you, baby Sugar Glider. Bless you.