First of all, my life is ruined. By the British. Again.
Scientists discovered a giant, ancient carnivorous whale.
I don’t even have more to say about it. The simple fact is, there used to be a gigantic, flesh-eating whale roaming the seas, lurking in the dark and fighting giant sharks. You guys know how I feel about whales.
Anyway. Now I want to talk to you all about something serious. More specifically, my organs.
Backstory: I just got my driver’s license renewed recently. Exciting stuff. Well they’ve changed the way they make Illinois licenses since I got my last one at 21. Now, instead of just asking you to sign the back of your license if you want to be an organ donor, they have a fancy little symbol by your face that says “donor.”
When I signed all the papers, they had me sign on a specific line if I want to be a donor. I did that. Then somewhere down the line, we realized I had to redo the papers for some reason. So I got back in line and when it came to signing for the organ donation, she didn’t have me sign. When I asked if I should again, she said no because they already had me in the system. I shrugged and went on my merry way.
Days later (because yes, it takes me that long to come to proper realizations pertaining to real life issues) I checked my license and realized that I DON’T have the nifty little donor symbol. I know you will all be shocked to realize that the woman who works full time behind a desk at the Drivers License Renewal Center could be wrong about something. So was I. But hell if I’m going to pay another $30 to get another new license.
But now I’m nervous that my organs won’t be properly distributed! I’ll get into some horrifying accident whereby my brain goes limp but the rest of me is alive and kickin’ and they'd be like, "well, little Timmy COULD have had a new heart today, but this girl doesn't have the appropriate markings on her Drivers License. Sorry, Timmy."
No! I refuse to let that happen. LITTLE TIMMY NEEDS A HEART, PEOPLE. And far be it from me to deny him.
The thing is, I GUESS organ donation is an optional thing. And I GUESS everyone is entitled to their opinions like they are about religion and its uncouth to discuss opinions on the matter.
But I’m sorry. I do not understand people who are against organ donation. YOU ARE DEAD. There is no more of you. Someone else has the possibility of life.
I haven’t smoked a cigarette in my life. (Seriously, mom. It’s true.) I’ve got great lungs. Awesome lungs. And if I’m not using them? Take them. Take them now. They’re all pink and sparkly and waiting for you.
So this is me, telling all of you. I am an organ donor. Print out this blog and show it to the doctor as proof.
To be honest, I’m hoping that I’ll never give any of my organs, because I want them to become just as weathered and shriveled as the rest of my old, aging body. But just in case, please take them. I will be in a better place—like haunting Cameron Diaz until she agrees to stop acting.