So yesterday I explained to you our introduction to the camp site (Whoah. At first I almost wrote introfuction. Which, frankly, is more accurate.) Today I explain to you...
THE SHOWERS.
Oh so remember those "newly renovated, state-of-the-art" bathrooms we'd been told about? Well, I'll give you this:
- The toilets flushed. (er...2/3 of them did)
- The sinks ran.
- The doors closed...Ish.
I wish I could be so kind about the showers.
They were in the back of the bathroom, where the fluorescent light did not reach. So yes, they were in the dark, even in the middle of the day. For the left shower, the head came straight down from the ceiling. All along that ceiling were bugs. Some flyers, some crawlers. It was rusty and menacing looking. I mean this with no disrespect or with any sense of irony; it reminded me of the Holocaust.
There was no way I was getting under that stream of water.
On the right was a "handicapped" stall (disabled stall? Physically challenged stall? Person with physical disabilities stall?) Three fourths of it was taken up by one of those seats some people need to sit on to shower. There was no way in hell I was sitting on it. I pulled it out of the stall. This shower head was different from the other one. It was the hand-held kind. But there was no place to hang it on the wall to turn it into a regular shower. It hung straight down from the ceiling, and sprayed water at your knees when it turned on.
The best part was, the actual shower head was covered in rust, as well as some sort of green substance. And when the water turned on, it also leaked out of the ceiling and onto your head. This was the shower I chose. And yes, because I know you are wondering, I alternated between muttering profanities and softly whimpering the entire time the shower was happening. Eventually I was "clean."
List Of Diseases I Probably Will Have As A Direct Result Of That Shower:
1. Consumption
2. The Clap, Syphilis AND Gonorrhea
3. Chronic Nosebleeds
4. The Plague
5. The Vapors
6. Black Lung
7. Meth Addiction
8. Scarlet Fever
9. Polio
10. Paranoia
11. Shingles
12. Gout
13. Lime Disease
14. Eczema
15. Hep A
16. Hep B
17. Hep C
18. Diabetes (1 and 2)
19. Rabies
20. Malaria
21. Narcolepsy
22. Insomnia
23. Leprosy
24. Lou Gehrig's
25. And of course, Lupis.
The next day I took a shower via Secret Prescription Strength and a jug of water while the other campers watched.
It was magnificent.
2 comments:
So, I'm at my workshop, literally laughing out loud at you and the showers, and all the diseases you consequentally gained. Too funny Rah. I'm sorry it was so traumatic.
try p.j. hoffmaster in muskegon next time! or i can give you some names of some good parks in wisconsin ... all of which have decent showers that are relatively free of flyers AND crawlers. ;)
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