I was scrolling through my phone photos recently (as one tends to do when confronted with an awkward situation and needs to look busy) and I noticed how many secret pictures of people I have taken. And I've subsequently realized what a horrible, judgmental person I am. But what can I say? There are some WEIRD people in this city, and my friends need to know about them. And what better way to say I'm thinking of you than to send a picture with the words, "Hey, Erin. I thought of you today when I saw this insane-looking woman on the bus"?
Besides, seeing other imperfect people out in the world makes me happy. It makes me think that maybe my accidental navy/black/brown why-did-I-get-dressed-in-the-dark-today combo isn't really SO bad.
So I thought I would share some of my observations with all of you. I hope you enjoy these people as much as I did.
"Hey, guys. What's going on? This? Oh, yeah. That's just my parrot. Thought I'd bring him on over to the outdoor farmers market. Polly want some homemade mustard?"
Okay this boy here was possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen. Those men perform at that subway station every day and everyone tends to ignore them. But this little boy stood there and gaped at them the entire time they played, so they sang right to him.
Old Woman With Enormous Hair: "What's going on here?"
Emily: "It's a Snuggie Barcrawl. It's like--"
OWWEH: "I GOT IT."
Emily: "No, it's just a--"
OWWEH: "Listen, I may be old as dirt, but I GOT IT." *walks away*
Emily: ".............That was awesome."
NEW GAME! It's called "Find The Samuel L. Jackson Look-A-Like On The Bus." Some days are easier than others.
Come on now. I've got pants with fake wear marks and even a fake rip or two. But those wrinkles are just straight-up on the wrong side of your khakis.
Don't deny it. Man or woman, you want to be this awesome when you are old.
...Or maybe this awesome. Like, seriously. Where is this guy's monocle? (Okay, you've caught me. I just take pictures every time I see someone in a fur coat. It's funny EVERY TIME!)
It's kind of hard to tell from this picture, but this woman was a real-life Cruella DeVille, minus the awesome hair.
"Where do you guys want to have our baby playtime? Someone's house? Perhaps some other baby-appropriate place?"
"Nah, let's just go to the nearest coffee shop. I'm sure no one wants to work quietly there and would appreciate a circle of crying babies and moms singing The Wheels On The Bus."
From his gold necklace to his wind-blown blonde hair, I think this guy actually came straight from 90's California.
This isn't a person, per se. But it is definitely the creepiest thing I have ever seen in the daytime.
Really, does this caption need an explanation?
Left arm tattoo: "Momma's boy"
Right arm tattoo: "God's son"
T-shirt: "Long story short...I f*cked her!"
Belt Buckle: sparkly skull.
What a catch.
How much money do you want to bet this woman's favorite flavor ice cream is vanilla?
Latino Pauly D!
The real tragedy here is that this girl was adorable.
Cuz you GOTTA have blue hair.
The weird thing was not the umbrella, actually. It was that he was covered in silver paint from head to toe, and was yelling at some girls trying to take his picture.
Is this my current phone wallpaper? It might be.
For someone so into fashion that you are willing to wear a tiny tie, I am questioning your choice of footwear, sir.
I can't think of a caption that doesn't make me sound insanely racist, but come on now.
Yeah? That's what you've come to work out in? Really?
The reason I took a photo of this girl is not because she is a total badass from the 50's. It is because her left arm is concealing the creepiest mannequin head I've ever seen. And I want to be her SO MUCH.
Tallest socks ever.
How cute is this old couple?? I wanted to grab them both in a big group bear hug...if only that wouldn't have cracked all their frail little ribs.
"Hey guys. Want to walk around Chicago?"
"Sure, but what outfit should we all wear?"
And those are all my pictures! I hope you all found them entertaining and maybe a little offensive. Comments welcome, as always!