Bout that time, eh chaps? Right-o.
It's time for another gathering offffffff *awkward Michael Scott drumroll* brrrrrrrrrrrr....brrrrrrrr...brr...
"Hubba wha? Are you and Adrienne doing that mustache thing again that didn't really make sense because you are girls," you ask?
No. No we are not. But Adrienne and I are gathering again for another charitable fun day of fun through the same organization, CHI 826. This go around, we have entered ourselves in Scrabble For Cheaters.
The way it works is: We collect money from friends and loved ones, ALL of which goes to the after-school tutoring program for kids in Chicago. But what's FUN about the money we collect is that we get to use it to cheat at Scrabble and become the Ultimate Cheating Scrabble Champions Of The World.
Certain cheats cost certain amounts of money. The list is as follows:
$25: THE SWAP: Trade out a letter
$50: THE NON-CON: buy a vowel
$100: THE BLANK: Flip a letter over and make it blank
$150: THE AUGMENT: Add 10 points to any letter to increase its value
$200: THE ALSORANS: Add Q, Z, or X to any word
$250: THE KOSHKA: play a word in any non-English language
$300: THE CONFER: Consult the dictionary for one turn
$400: THE SPURN: Reject an opponent's word for no reason
$500: THE WEBSTER: Invent a word (must have definition)
Personally, I am a fan of "The Augment" because it's cheap and I am a KILLER at using the right letters in the right places. I didn't get a bazillion points on "equaling" because there was a "q" in it, people.
For her part, Adrienne is hoping to raise enough to get to use The Spurn because, and I quote, "It's the most dramatic cheat." I am imagining the two of us waiting patiently as someone puts down "quiz" in a triple word score. We look slowly at each other, our eyes squinting slyly. Simultaneously we stand up, pointing at the opposing team: "SPUUUUUUURN!!!!" we shout, probably accidentally knocking over the board and ruining everything, but it would all be worth it for the drama of The Spurn.
We've also decided to learn Polish and Italian between now and the tournament so we can use multiple Z's with The Koshka. And Adrienne has promised to brush up on her Yiddish (in truth, I don't know if she knows any) so we can use a million vowels if we have to, too. Oy vey....Mashugana? And I'm out.
So of course, I am asking for donations. Go here if you'd like to contribute (scroll down to Collabostache. You will know us by our Bob Dole picture.) If you're into supporting children with their doe eyes, do it for that. If you're into supporting me kicking some serious Scrabble ass (and some of you know from personal experience that it's possible) then donate for that reason. But no matter what, you are contributing greatly to a night of fun for me, and a lifetime of better grades for the kids.