So, as I said last week, I wrote a fake Colbert and Daily Show piece for my writing class, both based on the same news story. I gave you the Colbert one then, but I wanted to keep working on the Daily Show piece. It's not perfect yet, but it's better. So here it is, another Blog Post Of Laziness.
We begin tonight in France, where Apple has recently ousted an iPhone app, called “Jew or Not Jew”. The app is a database of thousands of famous Jews, from Steven Spielberg to Woody Allen’s daughter-slash-wife.
The creator of the app, a Frenchman named Johann Lévy, says the app is all in good fun. But many Parisians have taken offense to the app. Let’s see…when did France once collect the names of Jews, perhaps handing them over to a charismatic young man with a mustache....?
Oh, that’s right, that’s right! THAT guy!
Yes, some said the “Jew or Not Jew” app reminded them of World War II! When the French government collaborated with Nazi occupiers to identify and deport Jews to death camps. (FAKE, EMBARRASSED LAUGHTER) Ha…ha…I’m sure the guy who made the app, uh, would immediately disprove such accusations.
CUT AWAY TO NEWS REPORTER: "Levy says, 'It recalls the Second World War, but that was 65 years ago!'"
BACK TO JON: Yes, only 65 years. And if there’s one thing people are over, it’s the Holocaust. (SING-SONG) Boriiiing!
But supporters of the app say all this fuss is for nothing. After all, the names aren’t being used to deport people to death camps, it’s just an aggregate of already-public information put into one, easy-access iphone app. For his take on the story, we turn to our Senior French Correspondent, Wyatt Cenac. Wyatt, do you think the French are right to be so offended by this app?
WYATT: Absolutely, Jon. The French aren’t like us Americans, because they don’t know how to throw around a good Nazi reference for sport. “Obama is Hitler." "Bush is Hitler." "Ghandi was Hitler.”—we’ve been using the Holocaust for our own purposes for so long, one more reference doesn't phase us. But it still works in France because apparently the French don’t cry Nazi every time someone mentions a tax hike. Gah, that Hitler and his senseless, brutal tax hikes.
But the French aren't like that, so when something ACTUALLY reminds them of Nazis, they get a little…verklempt. Luckily, the US still allows the app. And since I've been properly desensitized, I've got the app right here. Hey, look! You’re on here, Jon. Let's see, your parents are both Jewish, you’re a Sagittarius, you secretly hate gefilte fish, you have a mole on your inner thigh--
JON: Wait, how does it know that?
WYATT: Hey, what’s “Death To Smoochy”? Is that like a venereal disease?
JON: Alright. Wyatt Cenac everybody. We'll be right back.