What I'm trying to say is, you get smarter over time. To a degree.
For a while there, I was learning just as much at school as I was at home. I was learning cursive AND not to take candy from strangers. I was learning fractions AND how to say no to drugs (I still have yet to use the Broken Record strategy and I'd really like to, so if one of you guys could repeatedly offer me the marijuana cigarettes so I can turn you down over and over while using eye contact and a firm stance, I would appreciate it. And so would Officer Kveton.) And later I was learning about Pavlov at the same time I was learning that if you twist your ankle and then go out all night, you will not be able to fit socks onto your feet for a week.
And then I graduated. And I'm not exactly sure what happened. How much do I tip a cab driver? It gives me HIVES every time I have to do it. Drunk and it's a crapshoot. He either gets a 20 or nothing. THERE'S NO TIME FOR SUBTRACTION AT 2AM. When do you use a comma in grammar? I still, have no, idea.
But ask me about life situations. Relationships. Friendships. World events. Where are the good restaurants. And I'm your lady. Because that street smarts part just keeps on trucking. And thank God it does. Because, while the only time I use geography is to figure out which way is north, I'll be damned if I can't tell you the fastest public transportation route from Lakeview to Big Star. And yes, using fractions to figure out how many servings were in my tub o' yogurt was haaaarrrrrd. But I could walk through Trader Joe's blindfolded in order to get it.
So I guess it's okay that I'm not so much with the book learnin' any more. Because the longer these old bones age, the more I learn about life.
Speaking of which, do not sit on your ankles your whole life or you'll have the knees of an 80 year-old by the time you're 26.
Also take off your makeup at the end of the day or you'll have to fill your eye wrinkles in with caulk.
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