Monday, December 19, 2011

Homesick

Okay, I'm going to have to level with you guys. I just spent all weekend trying to write a normal post. I mean, as normal as it gets around these parts.

But the truth is that I'm homesick. And I want to talk about it. Because I blame Jesus.

Yeah, I said it. I mean really if you think about it, Christmas makes EVERYONE homesick, by its very nature. Even people who are currently home start to ache for the home they once had.

So now I find myself in a city I don't know with weather I don't know, with people I don't know. I even find myself getting mad at crazy people on the SF buses for not being the same as the crazy people on the Chicago buses. It's a deep homesickness.

Then add in the fact that it's Christmastime, a time when I should be surrounded by family and friends and instead find myself feeling incredibly alone. I knew this time would come, that there would be a point where the newness would wear off and I'd still be without all the familiar faces. I was aware it would happen--but I forgot to factor in Christmas, so now the homesickness goes to eleven.

I'm struck by how often I don't feel like myself, but like some really boring version of myself who spends all day watching every Stefon Weekend Update sketch and forgets to brush her teeth. Sometimes I think that just forcing myself to get up and shower and walk out the door will help. And then I'm surprised when it doesn't. Then I'm just sad...and outside. Then I get annoyed at slow walkers and people who don't leash their dogs (because WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE--shhh, breathe, Emily. They aren't here anymore. They can't hurt you.) I guess going outside only helped when my problem was laziness, not actual emotional distress.

Anyone have advice on how to climb back out? Is "time" the only solution? I hate when "time" is the only solution.

1 comment:

jolynn said...

Oh my lord. I laughed out loud at the "I blame Jesus" and then I nodded violently the whole rest of the post. Because girl, I feel you. I've lived far away from my family for the last 7 years and I will for the foreseeable future, and I always get heartsickingly homesick. I just ignore it. But it continues bubbling underneath, and then I realize (like today) that I haven't showered in two days because I'm just so sad and can't do anything.

I take a lot of vitamin D.

I plan a lot of fun things with people I know, however slight.

I email with my family a lot. For some reason, phone calls make it worse, email makes me feel like I communicated.

I text them pictures of me performing our holiday traditions.

And I occasionally call my mommy and cry.

Oh! And I have blog friends. I cannot say how much the online community has SAVED ME.