Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The 5 Celebrities I'd Get A Timeshare With

Last weekend I dusted off Season 3 of Friends. And since I don't reference that show enough for you, here's some more!

It was the episode where Ross is trying to decide which 5 celebrities make his "list" of who he would be allowed to sleep with without Rachel getting mad. He takes the whole episode to decide, and at the end (10-YEAR-OLD SPOILER ALERT!) he actually meets Isabella Rossellini, who he had booted off the list for being too international.

SO! The episode got me thinking--who would my 5 celebrities be? But here's the thing: I'm raising the stakes. Any given celebrity is good looking enough to have one night in Bangkok with. The question is: who is TRULY worthy? That's right. What celebrity would you cherish for better or worse? Which would you roll your eyes at when they tell the same joke to different friends? The question is: which celebrity would you open a Google Docs to track your shared family plan bill with?

I'm curious what other people have to say. And to start you off on your journey, here are my five:

1. John Krasinski

Like this was a question. To me, people who DON'T want to marry John Krasinski are like people who don't like chocolate or cheese or happiness. These must be the same people who watch him on talk shows and don't laugh at his jokes. ROBOTS! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM LIKE I DO.

2. Paul Rudd

I decided that I would some day marry Paul Rudd when I saw the trailer for How Do You Know, which is coming out at Christmas.

Because how amazing is Paul Rudd ALWAYS? Or in I Love You Man? "Slappin' da bass"? COME ON! He can't help the way he is because clearly that's how he is in real life. And it's like we were made for each other! HE'S adorably awkward, I'M adorably awkward! (caveat: you must consider the fact that I run into walls 'adorable'...)

3) Mario Batali

Laugh if you will. The truth is, we all lose our looks one day. But Italian food is forever. As are orange crocs. ALSO, have any of you seen "Spain-On The Road Again" on PBS? It's MAGIC. Pure Magic. Mario Batali and some other guy travel Spain and learn about the country and say hilarious things and laugh and eat food and nap. And then eat and then nap. And then suddenly Gweneth Paltrow is there and things get very classy VERY quickly.

QUESTION: Is one of my life goals to travel, eat, sit, nap, and hang out with Gweneth Paltrow all at once?

So yeah. I'd marry Mario Batali. I'd marry him right nice.

4) Ed Helms

-We'd make amazing karaoke partners
-He can play the banjo
-That's about all.

So fine, I can't give you a true reason for wanting to marry Ed Helms. It's a gut reaction and I'm sticking with it.

5) Colin Firth

I could see Colin Firth and I curling up in matching sweaters in front of a fireplace somewhere in the English countryside. We'd be the most mature couple, and we'd only drink wine that costs over $20 because, yeah, we're fancy.

I want to take Colin Firth to a high-class event held in a museum and watch him make everyone feel inferior to him. But then when we're alone and I'm upset about something and I start crying, he completely falls apart and gets all flustered and doesn't know what to do so he gets all Bumbling British Person and offers me tea and cakes and runs his hands through his thick, luscious hair a million times. And even when he's old and in his wheelchair and I'm still in my prime, I will wheel him around and announce that I'm with The Guy Who Played Mr. Darcy so they better do whatever I want them to do. It will be a very stable, very grounded marriage.

So that's it. That's my current list. And yours?


Rah said...

1) Best. Cast. EVER! Welcome to another Christmas activity for us!
2) Paul Rudd can touch my leg any time.
3) I support 2.5 out of 5 of your choices. :P

Liz said...

I haven't had time to think and formulate my list, but I HAD to say that when I read, "I could see Colin Firth and I curling up in matching sweaters in front of a fireplace somewhere in the English countryside." I totally pictured a dog with a matching sweater there next to you.

Carmen said...

This makes Paul Rudd even more lovable, and since you didn't mention it as one of his greatest works of all time, I'll assume you haven't seen it. so here you go: http://video.adultswim.com/tim-and-eric-awesome-show-great-job/celery-man.html

abbey said...

I'm on board with Mr. Rudd. Mmmm... But he is interchangeable with Jason Segal on the list. I mean, come on. It's really about who you meet first right? But also logically, having them separate on the list would take away from my other diverse group of gentlemen (and may cause me to bump 1970-1980's Harrison Ford of the list which I just won't let happen.)

Emily said...

Actually, Carmen I JUST saw this about two weeks ago! I failed to mention it but seriously. SERIOUSLY. How much fun would it be to dance in public with him??

Adrienne said...

Oh you know I couldn't not do this:

1) Robert Downey Jr, for words I don't really need to say to you, as you're my best friend, but for the rest of the audience.
In a nutshell: see Back to School. See RDJ at the age of, oh, 25, as the stereotypical art-punk kid. See Adrienne fall in love.

2) Joseph Gordon Levitt, but I think this might be because I ultimately have a thing for him in (500) Days of Summer, where he wears SWEATER VESTS, the same headphones as me, can educate me on music, be generally sassy, and hold my hand walking around IKEA and pretend that we live there. Simple needs.

3) John Krasinski. Duh. Duh. DUH.

4) Joshua Jackson but I feel ultimately this decision will FAIL MISERABLY because he's not going to be nearly as awesome and snarky as he is on Fringe. And the accent is probably fake, too.

5) Matt Inman (the guy who writes the Oatmeal) 'COS REALLY, he writes THE OATMEAL for fuck's sake.

I will have to pick up the slack for how they are all lovely and good looking by knowing how to cook and learning how to use powertools. And I'm OK with it.

Emily said...

Adrienne I can def see you with JGL circa 500 days of summer. Def.

But I have to disagree with you about Joshua Jackson. Every character he plays is snarky in that same way. I have to believe that it's who he really is. Slash I HOPE so.