Tuesday, January 24, 2012


It has been well-documented that I haven't seen many movies, I've just seen a FEW movies MANY times. Can I repeat every word to Titanic? Of course. But only tape #1. (Tape #2 was the sinking. That would be awkward to have memorized. And yes, I'm old enough to have watched Titanic on VHS. DEAL.)

But there are tons of movies that I've just never seen. It took me 5 years to finally watch The Matrix. And if you remember the leather-shrouded feelings people had about The Matrix when it came out, five years is an INTENSE amount of time to not know the difference between the red and blue pills.

A lot of movies I missed were 80's and 90's classics that I avoided because I was either too young to see them, or too scared--let's be honest. I never saw Braveheart because I heard they ripped his guts out while he was still alive (Finally saw it, closed my eyes.) I still haven't seen Fargo because of the wood chipper scene. I KNOW, IT'S FARCE. I'll see it! I'll see it! GOD.

So when Joe and I started dating, he went through his mental rolodex of movies I haven't seen (And no, I'm NOT old enough to have owned a rolodex, DEAL.) Then we added those movies into Netflix, and dubbed them "boy movies". Because sometimes apparently I'm not very feministic. In the past few years, I've been slowly knocking them down one by one. Field of Dreams. The Godfather. Top Gun. The kinds of movies that, when I admit I haven't seen them, cause people to clutch their pearls in horror. Even boys. ESPECIALLY boys, frankly.

When we started our Netflix Crusade, I took notes on the thoughts I had while I watched. But the notes weren't really calling out to me. So I lazily never blogged about them and let them float away from my mind. Now I find it hard to remember which explosions happened in Mission: Impossible and which happened in Speed.

But yesterday I was made aware of an amazing, amazing little movie review of You've Got Mail by Anne T. Donahue. You can find it on Hello Giggles. And yes, there are two more reviews. And yes, I believe it will be an ongoing series. YOU'RE WELCOME.

What I'm trying to say here is: bitch stole my idea. And what I'm trying to say by that is: this hilarious woman did what I could not. And I'm jealous. And I want to awkwardly hold her hand.

Mostly because she made this:

I MAY have reposted that image onto every media outlet I could get a hold of, including taping it inside printed newspapers.

But also, her Pinterest (OH YES MY STALKER LEVEL HAS GONE THERE) has this:

Not only is Tom Hanks the only image in her "Babes" board, but it's the T.Hanks image that I hold so dearly to my heart.

I mean, it's not like the girl has a monopoly on humorous movie reviews. I think we all know Gene Siskel still holds the title for those. (I kid. None of us knows who Gene Siskel is. Except my dad, who was DEVASTATED by the loss. ANYWAY.) So I could still write some. But now I feel like they would just be a sad, weepy version of this masterful You've Got Mail one. I feel like a toddler who throws a temper tantrum for having a toy taken away that was never actually hers.

Wow. I started writing this to tell you about my original plan of reviewing "boy movies" and it's really just devolved into a love letter to Anne. I'm fine with it. But I'm also going to go (So I can stalk her more, perhaps?? No no no no. .....yes.)


Anonymous said...

The irony...... She who rails against gender-stereotypes categorizes her movies as "boy movies".....

Emily said...

Oh I'm aware. That's why I said apparently I'm not very feministic sometimes. And hence the weighted quotes around "boy movies". It's completely hypocritical, I don't deny it.

In my defense, I don't mean "boy movies" as in "movies for boys" because I know plenty of girls who enjoy them, I mean it as "movies that boys almost always like." Regardless, it very much discredits half the things I've ever argued, gender-wise.

Anonymous said...

I still liked the post, and I enjoy the opportunity to tease you a little. Off to do my rich person things now.....

Emily said...

Well that's all well and good, but now you've got me on a whole rampage. You've dared to awaken the beast, and now that I've turned green and muscly, I have this to say:

I'm less concerned with stereotyping gender qualities in adults, and more concerned with doing it to children. Obviously I'm a huge expert on this, having taken Sociology 101 in college. So here's my thinking:

I assume it's a fact that more guys like sports than ladies do (Not that ALL guys like sports and ALL girls don't, just that the audience is skewed.)

But I believe that statement is true because sports are encouraged in boys and not in girls when we are young. So I don't feel wrong by saying "Oh, men and their sports!" because it's a thing that's true and I'm just making an observation.

But I DO feel wrong by saying "Bobby, you sit here and watch baseball with your father until you like it, and Sally and I will go play Barbies."

So it goes with "boy" movies and "girl" movies, although these all involve complicated sociological issues and nature vs. nurture and LIKE I SAID, I am a total expert on all this but I won't BORE you any more with all the facts.

Okay, I feel better now.

Anonymous said...

After I finished dining on beluga caviar and drinking fine wine, I actually sat down and thought about this over the weekend, and decided that when I eventually have kids, I'm taking EJS's advice and will have to convince my future wife not to go apeshit on pink, because what if my daughter doesn't like pink?

Which then brought me to remember that the one toy I really wanted when I was a kid was a cabbage patch kid doll, and I have no idea why I wanted one. But it was a big deal to my dad that I wanted one, and there was a ton of awkward pressure at Montgomery Wards when I finally had the opportunity to get one, only if I carried it to the cashier myself. Obviously, at 7, that's not something I really wanted to do (and as I type this, I realize that moment shaped my personality more than I thought, and is probably why I think, "what will everyone think if I do this" before I do anything. Thanks again Dad!).

But I agree with you. And FYI... I hate watching sports, but will encourage my future daughters to play sports, rather than dick around with Barbies. And if my future son wants a doll, damn it, he's getting a doll. I'll buy it for him, and will play dolls too.

I just couldn't resist the opportunity to snarkly tease you. And I would expect the same from you.

Emily said...

I appreciate you keeping me on my toes. I would expect nothing less from you. I just kinda had to say all that because it's been a boiling issue for me for a long time--just in my own head, not out loud. So thanks for spurring me to figure out what I was thinking.

Also, I LOVE the idea of Mini You carrying a doll half your size up to the register, a look of terror in your eyes. It MIGHT be the cutest thing I've ever imagined, and I've seen pictures of baby polar bears. I'm still sorry you had to go through that.

And please DO encourage your hypothetical daughter to play/watch sports if she wants to, but also to play with dolls if she wants to. For me, I liked doing a bit of everything. I think a lot of kids did or would have, if they'd been encouraged to.

Jo said...

I love Field of Dreams. And Top Gun.

But Tom Hanks? Especially Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan? LOVE. You've Got Mail and Sleepless in Seattle are my go-to movies.